“I am a single man from Chennai. Marriage. I am looking for a decent woman with whom I can have safe and emotional sexual relationship. I can’t enjoy paid sex since I could not find any emotion in that. Dating was easy earlier but since last year, ever since the pandemic hit, I’ve been really bothered about my sexual life. Fortunately, I came across a few women who were looking for a decent man. Later I understood that one of them was simply looking for money and another one was not sexually active. So, I was left with one option who was a 38 years old (I am also 38), and not getting enough pleasure and affection from her hubby. We met once and discussed our requirements.
Later in Feb, her in-laws got affected with Covid (in another city) and she had to move for them. She recently called me and told me it may take another 6 months for her to come back to Chennai. After waiting so much time, now I lost all my hopes. I am really craving for emotional sex. Now there is no chance of meeting any paid girls since I don’t want to take any risk unless she is decent and looking for the long-term. I have been masturbating to sustain this saga, but I felt I am gradually getting addicted to that. Feeling very much distressed and not able to focus on work.”
His is not just one standalone story. The pandemic has led to not just a social isolation but sexual isolation which has got a far more disturbing effect on one’s wellbeing since one cannot talk about it and has got no social acceptance of such problems.
So, what is sexual frustration and what has this to do with pandemic?
Sexual frustration results when there is a strong imbalance between what you want (or need) sexually and what you are currently getting or not getting sexually. What is important to know is the feelings and sensations you’re having are totally valid! Regardless of gender and sexuality, almost everyone is facing or has faced sexual frustration at some point in their life. And surely, when you don’t have much to do and are caged in your homes during the pandemic and lockdown season, it’s natural and common for the brain to think about sex. Porn addiction and compulsive masturbation also grows in an environment of inactivity and lethargy.
Now that it is established it’s absolutely natural to feel sexual frustration, it’s time to get down on business and bring on the table things you can do to tone down the frustration. While dating has become difficult, dating apps are still being used. But this pandemic has only exacerbated problems with dating that had been bubbling up in recent years. Covid-19 has slammed the brakes on dating. For one thing, there are fewer places to meet new people. The pace of dating has slowed down, making it harder and more time consuming to start romantic relationships.
Many single women who earlier were afraid of men using these platforms just to get into their pants (quite literally speaking) are now using the platform and connecting with people who want safe, emotional sex. And keeping this emerging trend in mind, dating apps now have video options and before moving on to actual physical meeting, people are trying Zoom and other platforms to forge deeper, meaningful relationships.
Safe, emotional sex is possible only when there’s an emotional connect and that surely takes time. So, try taking the interaction slow and see if you two connect. If connected, practice some self-isolation before meeting up, so that you both know you are safe. And surely, sparks will fly.
Another option is trying ‘friends with benefits’ to help you bear this difficult time of sexual pent ups. You can communicate clearly with a friend who’s also looking emotional sex. You two can have boundaries regarding this situation-ship you’ll be venturing into and also of precautions to indulge in monogamous sex for the time pandemic lasts.
Paid sex, while does fulfill the physical requirement, never really touches upon the emotional needs. It’s unsafe, both from STDs and Pandemic point of view. Masturbation can help you ease out the stress and anxiety and make you feel quite relaxed once those happy hormones are released. If it is not interfering with your other responsibilities in life, you can give yourself a treat every day. But if it’s becoming an addiction and interfering with day to day life, consult a sex coach/ sex therapist.
Sex toys are another best option. The market now has a range of products, with very natural and realistic designs and feels to help you have a satisfying sexual experience. You can always take some time off and browse through the websites and order, if found fascinating.
We are in the middle of a pandemic that calls for newer, innovative ways of living. Be ready for some small hiccups here and there. Don’t let them disappoint you. Give some time and surely, you’ll find your calling.
About the Writer: Pallavi Barnwal
Pallavi Barnwal is a certified sexuality coach and founder of the sex-positive platform Get Intimacy. She specializes in helping people gain courage to talk openly about sex and relationships and equipping them with actionable tips and skills so they can start having more pleasure both inside and outside their bedroom. She has been featured in a variety of magazines, newspapers, and online articles as a sexpert – Huffington Post, India Today, Vogue, The Hindu, Dainik Bhaskar, Indian Express, The Times OfIndia, BBC, Deccan Chronicle, Femina, and more.