Man domesticated horses, cows, pigs, goats and other animals. It’s time to domesticate another species: men.
Just like you have compulsory military training, men should be taught to run a household before a female partner agrees to live in or spend time in their homes. Ideally there should be a school or an academy for them to learn in. Alternately, they should be just sent out to live in a house by themselves for a while.
The approach does not work necessarily, as Aarti would testify. She was dating a senior government official, living by himself after his divorce. His perks included cooks, cleaners, gardeners and drivers – all in plural – at his beck and call. But whenever Aarti stayed over at his place, he would insist she only prepare and serve him the meals – the cooks were asked to good off.
Mommies should let go first
The first hurdle are mothers themselves. They never want to stop pampering their boys, and it suits the sons just fine. And then they expect the service standards to be maintained by their future wives and girlfriends. The worst part? The partners acquiesce! Tell the moms to make space for their boys to grow.
But why do men need to run their own house?
For starters it’s the right thing to do. They should share the burden. Even if they live by themselves, they will not be pigs in a sty if they know how manage a house.
Expecting women to run the house as their duty and not as a choice is also a form of misogyny, even if passive and unwitting. Not only are the men imposing servility upon the woman, they also give themselves a licence to subjugate her in different forms. Again, they may come across as loving and caring in general, but they cast a negative influence. Like keeping the woman away from pursuing careers and hobbies, focusing on her health, spending time with their own friends, and pursuing hobbies and other interests.
Such men also hurt themselves without realizing so. There have been situations when men should break up with their partners, but don’t – their worry is who will manage the household then? They drag themselves, the woman and the rest of the family in a loveless relationship, creating a toxic environment. Empirical evidence suggests men are more willing to continue living with unfaithful partners but women tend to walk away – only because men fear for their comfort and social status more. It may sound counter-intuitive but is true.
Very importantly, they do not give women their me-time. They need their breather too, so they may curl up with a book over a cuppa, or to go out with the girls (or even boys). But they get bogged down the continuous demands of the man-child – not only doing things for them, but for children and the extended family too.
Women need to change
Right from their impressionable age, women are conditioned to put the man before self. To serve him, to take care of his needs and comforts, and to also fast and pray for his well-being and success. Love him, care for him, but don’t let him dictate. Women have to change their own mental make-up from within. Let the man know it’s a relationship of equals, and all service will be a choice and not a compulsion for the woman.
Women have to draw a line – no toxic men for them, no man-child for them.
And then men will change
When they get it back from women, men may not have a choice but to change. Not only in their physical effort, and in their mindsets.
Aarti could not change the one she loved though, and left him. He still pines for her, still asks for her to come back. But her eyes have finished all the tears they had, and he is history for her. She realized it after being with him for over a year and came out the wiser – the next man in her life was quickly put under the guillotine. He would plonk himself on her sofa and beckon her to prepare meals for him – even before romance bloomed between the two. Aarti knew what awaited. She broke up at first sight with him.